Chrysalis

Sandra J. Payne is an award-winning writer/filmmaker and serves on the advisory council of the nonprofit charity news site (it) magazine. Originally from Alaska, she started her Hollywood career as a staff writer for "Barney & Friends." Her favorite organic food is raspberries.  

From the beginning

I was fed a steady diet

Of societal mores and

Expectations

They tasted fine

At the time

I grew plump on them

Until I was ready

to spout them myself

I even took the initiative to

Wrap myself in a protective shell

Methodically constructed with

Strand upon strand of their logic

Until I could not move

And nearly suffocated

Under the dense layers

Of reason, politeness, practicality,

And, above all,

being nice

The claustrophobia

And oppressiveness

Surprised me

Because this

Is what I had striven for

It was, I had been told,

The right thing to do

And yet my body

And my soul

Wanted freedom

More than anything

I had ever wanted before

But I did not know if I could survive

the effort of a rebirth

The first time being so hard

I struggled anyway

Not realizing until that moment

Just how thick and soft and enticing

The layers I had fashioned really were

I wanted to rest

To stay cushioned in a place that felt

So safe

Yet it was dark

And I longed for the light

So I fought again

To free myself

From the tangle

Of my early sustenance

And when the first crack of light

Appeared like a beam of truth

To lead the way

I tore at my bonds

With a single-minded intensity

Until, at last, the path was clear

And I was able to stand

For the first time on my own

And breathe

For the first time

The clear air of freedom

It was then

I looked down and noticed

I had wings.